I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
