You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize