Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
