What a fucking waste of an outfit
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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