'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
