Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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