Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
