I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
