An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize