He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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