He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
