Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
dude. I can hear the air.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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