I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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