Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
