i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize