The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
