Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
