Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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