The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
