Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
