lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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