awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
