I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize