If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
