I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
