some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
