You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
