Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
