this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
