The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
