At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
