Soap is not a condiment
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
