She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
