i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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