i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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