Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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