That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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