If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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