In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
