I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
