How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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