Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
