And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
