Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
