Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just blew my weed a kiss
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
