just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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