he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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