Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
