I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
