Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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