i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
