Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
