Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im six kinds of drunk right now
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
