some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
