either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
