im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
