How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
