I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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