I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
