In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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