so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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