I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
only you would photoshop your dick
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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