I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
