what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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