I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
