He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
