We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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