my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
