k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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