No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
