If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
