I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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