I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
