i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
