i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
