dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
