Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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