i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
