ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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