did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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